The Naked Man & The Turkey

It is with great trepidation that  I share how my day began, for it started with the most disturbing image, and one of which no person should be exposed, forced to remember or explain for that matter. After dropping my children off at preschool, I was heading home to make some final preparation for their annual school feast, when the most unusual thing happened. I’m traveling around a very popular lake  in our community, one that is heavily trafficked by joggers, bicyclers, and families and the time is 9:25.  Suddenly I glance toward the walking path to see this rather large male strutting slowly with a bit of a march type stride.  He catches my attention because he’s wearing no shirt, has a huge belly and appears to have no underpants on.  I slowed the car because after all, perhaps he was wearing a Speedo? Nevertheless, he looked very strange and clearly not in his right mind. As I got a tad closer, I shuddered in disgust, covering my eyes and let out a scream. This man, in fact, was BUTT NAKED!  He was walking a 3 mile lake in the middle of the morning, with it ALL hanging out. I threw up in my mouth a little. Ain’t gonna lie.  Quickly, I phoned my police officer friend, who did not answer. Next I tried my mom who said “CALL 911”.  Just as I was ready to dial, I realized that I was not the only person on the case.  At lease a half dozen other bystanders were on their cell phones and looking back like they’d been traumatized. WE HAD BEEN TRAUMATIZED.

Gotta say, this is something I’ve NEVER eyewitnessed, and unless there is a bleach cycle or erase memory mode on my brain, I fear it will haunt me for life. What an idiot.  Later, the police department released a statement saying they apprehended the 33-year old (who looked 60), who said he just “needed some fresh air.” I guess so. Geesh

After semi-recovering from my crisis, I returned to my mom’s (who had dead-bolted every door in the house after my report), to rescue my turkey and met the entire family at Owen & Liv’s School for the feast. We were so blessed to have Daddy, Grandma Reed, Aunt Stephanie, Grammy & Papa at the show. This year, we were asked to provide our own lunch, because the school chef retired. Thanks to Publix, I was able to order an entire traditional feast that need only a couple of hours prep prior to the event. The kids performed beautifully and I was one proud mama. We finished up with a trip to the park with our friends. Thankfully, everyone at the park was fully clothed.

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