Leroy Mercer & The Makeup Blunder

Day 244: Items Purchased: 0, Tempation Radar: 10++

What a doozie! Labor Day Weekend ignites an unquenchable fire for all things fall fashion, a fresh start and a neeeeeeeed to capitalize on the greatest sales opportunities.  I, for one, thought it was quite philanthropic for my husband to offer me a visit to International Plaza, to discover his generosity only a subtle plea for lunch at Champs Restaurant where he could watch 16 different football games at the same time. Nonetheless, I embraced to opportunity to test my resolve once again. Besides that, I did need a refill for my powder compact and an under eye concealer.

On my way to the cosmetics section, I was acutely blinded by the shake and shimmer of a new temptress, gleaming from the jewelry case:

Oh. Dear. Lord.  She arrived the day before, as if she anticipated my arrival! This chance meeting was the first bout with weak knees in months. After trying it on, taking 5 pictures with the iPhone, cooing over the watch whilst blotting drool from my mouth, I started to pull my card from the purse.

Wait. Crap. I can’t buy this!!!!  What am I thinking?!!!!  It’s probably the same feeling an adulterating husband gets when he flirts beyond control with female of affection, only to realize,  “Wait. What am I doing? I can’t HAVE this woman. She’s not my wife!”  Yes, ladies. That’s right. Sometimes, retail shopping is our mistress. It is the object of our uncontrollable lust. It is our weakness. We will gawk over fashion on a Pinterest board like a collection of Playboy centerfolds, yet often fail to acknowledge it as stumbling block. Gawking, leads to buying, and often times things costly to us.  We want something, and the desire hormones set in sending us into a whirlwind of irrationality and we cave like a bad hand.  Consideration: until we get our spending urges and our own desires under control, we can’t really gripe about the naughty men, now can we? Have you ever found yourself in an adulterous affair with stuff? Good Lord, I’m on the wrong soapbox here. But, anyway…..

So, there I was, standing statuesque staring at the salesperson who is shrugging her shoulders wondering why I’m not buying this watch I love so much. Normally, I would explain my project. Not this trip. Not today. I just didn’t have it in me. Luckily, just in time Steve and 2 very excitable children start yelling at me from the escalator. I imagine they were on their 16th trip down. Steve was rolling his eyes. I mentioned to Olivia that I needed some makeup, and she was all in!

I am one of those brand loyalist types. Despite my best efforts to dabble with various brands and types of cosmetics, it’s just to chaotic for me.  I do 2 large makeup purchases each year, and refill trips in between. I use the same brand in every product. I know what I like. Understanding this, will help you grasp the hilarity of what follows.

I walk up to the Trish McEvoy Counter, quite confused to see a new face and what appears to be different packaging. But, I’m on a mission and don’t have a lot of time, so I approach the salesperson,

“Yes. I use your pot concealer and really, would like to try something different.”

“Oh, well we don’t really have the pot concealer anymore, but it sounds like you may like a stick. Let’s check it out.”

“Ok.

This is the beginning of a 3o-minute discussion around eye plumper, concealer and benefits of proper eye care. Olivia is holding the mirror and grinning from ear to ear. The conversation continues, as I admire the transformation that has taken place on my face,

“I just love this makeup! It’s all I wear. In fact, about a year ago I dealt with a horrible outbreak of my skin, attributed, I believe to MAC makeup. I started using yours and have seen so much improvement.”

Lorraine begins to tell me that all of her product and skin care line is created by a doctor.  She gives me a secret serum and swears to the excellence of it.

“Great, I’ll take the concealer and I just need a compact.”

‘Do you need a refill on your compacet?”

“Oh. Well, I didn’t realize it could be refilled.”

“Yes, all Trish’s products fit into refillable compacts.”

“Very well, then. Yes. I need the refill”

At this point Olivia is knee-deep in the lip gloss, and schmoozing Lorriane quite handily, weasels herself into a complete makeover….

Pretty savvy little lady, eh?

After prying Livie off the makeup stool and making an appointment for next week’s beauty event, I collect my bag, little bit’s hand and head around the corner. Suddenly, it hits me.

I see the very familiar face of another salesperson. It is MY cosmetics clerk…..at a counter that looks far more like home to me. Looking up, I see the name on the counter LAURA MERCIER.

Oh. My. Word.  I wear Laura Mercier, NOT Trish McEvoy.

I just spend a half hour telling this Lorriane how much I love her makeup, it’s “all I wear”, ignoring all early signs of mistake, like she doesn’t carry any of the product types I mentioned, refills, etc. I’ve officially lost my mind.  Racing out of the store, teary-eyed and frustrated, I attempt to explain this grave faux pas to Steve who is laughing hysterically,

” I thought you were at the wrong place. What? You don’t remember you wear Leroy Mercer.”

“Leroy Mercer?”

He called me Leroy the rest of the day. Nice.

We had to strategically plan a way to return the products when Lorraine was at lunch. I was horrified. Anyone who does not believe that small children and sleep deprivation will cause brain damage and memory loss needs to spend a day with me.  We could write a dissertation on it.

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3 responses

  1. I love this post for so many reasons (the biggest, of course, being “Leroy Mercer”). I’m impressed with your cosmetics resolve! I’m a big brand hoochie momma, running through Sephora like a crazed junkie needing a fix and grabbing up every product I’ve spotted in a magazine, on a blog, or on one of those Youtube makeup tutorials.

  2. Tell Steve thanks since now I will think Leroy every time I put on my makeup! Although, I didn’t have much luck with ‘his’ shadows, so I became an Urban Decay and Mac shadow fan.

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