Hormonally Yours,

Day 219: Items Purchased:0, Temptation Radar: 0

Monday, August 8th

Dear Hormones,

We meet again. Your fastidiousness while assaulting my emotions today, initiated a rather unexpected bit of unsteadiness for me, but nothing I can’t handle. When you began your campaign against my mood today, I did what any smart, self-nurturing gal would do: dealt with it feet first! I ran quickly to local salon, where I frequently learn both relaxation techniques and Vietnamese, and received a pedicure. Afterward, I thought a little gardening in the eyebrow department would do me good. Boy, was I wrong. After being brow beaten, scalded and leaving with 2nd degree burns to the eyelid, I determined the best way to deal with you crazy hormones may not be spa therapy after all. So, I shifted my focus to Pilates where I was forced to look at myself in the mirror. This, quite catastrophic for me due to your influence, caused me to spout off the most ridiculous phrase ever spoken to my instructor. “I think spin class is making me fat.” What???  My teacher laughed out loud. Certainly, I should not have expected her to agree with me, right? She said we would discuss diet, which was an indicator that she too, has most likely noticed my newfound puffiness. Sigh.  You’ve also made me incredibly tired, slightly irritable, and periodically weepy. What’s up with that?  I hate crying.

If we are going to maintain this relationship, I’d like to make some requests: I’d like to crave something other than carbs and chocolate. Where’s the broccoli hormone?  If it’s not too much to ask, could you step off my energy supply and make a more positive contribution to…let’s say…my libido. Do the good things you’re supposed to do…nothing more, nothing less. Finally, do not even TRY to tempt me toward finding relief in a shopping establishment. Seriously, I’m wise to that trick and I have superhero powers.  So there. Am I clear?  I’m really glad we had this talk.

Your captive,



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