SHOPFAST Execution Strategies: 101/ 30×30,Day 9

Day 169: Items Purchased: 0, Temptation Radar: 0

It would be tragic for me to press on in this shopfasting activity without sharing with you some of the strategic barriers I’ve set up to help resist temptation during trying times. You may be thinking, “just stay out the mall” or “disconnect your internet”.  Both are effective roadblocks in the short-term, but certainly can be overcome. I mean, one quick turn of the steering wheel, and you’ll be parked in the plaza lot. Or, pick up the cell phone and you can escape the confines of your personal stress playground courtesy of the handy Piperlime app on your iPhone. Let’s face it, they make it TOO easy.

I need more drastic measures….something horrific to scare me away from the thought of purchasing a new outfit. So…..

I tried on my bathing suit.

EEEEEKKKKKKKKK! OMG.OMG. NO. NO. NO. Under flourescent lights, and without spray tan, I tried on the bright yellow triangle top bikini. I am cured. Miraculous.

A million clicks of the clone stamp could never adequately smooth the dimples from buttock cheek number one, who will remain nameless. I actually made an itemized  list of other grievances against my body, including but not limited to pudgy puddle on lower abdomen, puckering knees, waving tricep….stand up straight Mister! No sagging! This, my friends, is the way to scare oneself into purchase paralysis.  No, I shall not buy the color block mini dress or another pair of stilettos, which undoubtedly are contributing to varicose veins.  Nor will I even think of buying that sexy silk blouse with gaping neck line, for surely one of the pancakes might slide out.  The bright side? At this point, I’m not experiencing the condition: cankles. You’ve heard, it’s the natural union of your calves and ankles. They fall deeply in love, never to be separated again. For this, I’m truly grateful.

The final tactic is to dress in something that makes you feel slightly pudgy and unattractive. It will create the psychosis that “nothing will look good on me” and then you will be sure to stay away from the plaza. You may augment this effort by adding a naughty meal while wearing the outfit.  Eating, while wearing your fat clothes (and we all have fat clothes) is VERY effective. I suggest pizza with a scoop of ice cream on the side.

That being said, I present to you my unflattering selection:

30 for 30, Day 9:

I opted for puffy everywhere and an oversized belt.  I would probably never wear this again. But, it did keep me frustrated and away from mall.


4 responses

  1. You always look beautiful. My tactic: get pregnant, receive hand-me-downs as much as possible (thank you by the way), have baby, be six weeks postpartum, and choose A) alternate between the three elastic waist skirts or B) Squeeze all loose skin into those shorts no matter how much it hurts and remind yourself they will fit again. I had a baby and “my hips don’t lie.” HEHEHE.

  2. You look gorgeous, even with your perceived flaws — we don’t see ’em, Sister. I did a post about a hair I found growing out of my neck — the front, not the back — and it was blond (probably gray, but I was in good lighting) and curly. At my age, all kinds of things start happening. Oh it’s a party in my body — surprise! As for your shopping ban, I have a suggestion, there is a blog – Yours, Mine and Ours (it’s on my side bar), where Meredith gives a tip about hitting an estate sale at the end of the final day. Free clothes can often be scored. And if they’re not perfect, maybe you can alter them into new creations, which will likely give you your “fix” and a creative high. ; )

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