Day 35, Items Purchased: 0, Temptation Radar: 0
Ever had a pop tart revelation? You know, it’s the kind of insight that just explodes on to the scene with such clarity that you literally need to call the local gemologists for a confirmation. That was me this morning….over a waffle. Dare I repeat that yesterday was not my best day? Mully-grubs….that’s what I call it when you’re a bit weepy and pouting over what you think is one disconcerting issue, but the more you stew, the more you realize you’re heavy with a whole bunch of junk. Well, it progressed today. My cry-on-command program mode was intact and working at fully capacity. I itemized & reviewed everything over the last several weeks that had grated my nerves or frustrated my patience. From decayed carpet and midnight dwarfs invading my bed, to work a crisis and other annoying people, I just stewed to boiling. Immersed in pity and mumbling over the toaster to myself, I received a message, providing just the ticket to snap me out of the funk.
Toaster popped, “Lego my Ego”, I grumbled. Flash. Pause. Wha…huh? Waffle’s done, but my mind wasn’t saying Lego my Eggo. It was more like Let go my Ego. Who, me? Ego? Nah. What? I’m looking side to side waiting for someone to pat my shoulder…..to back me up on this crazy accusation. No one was there. I got it. Right away. See, when things are going really well and even when they are not, I seem to think it’s a one-man show. “I can handle it. No one could do it better.” It sometimes comes as a weighty feeling, like the whole world–or at least my sphere of influence–and the success of it depends on me. Sure, I “hear” viewpoints of others, but I usually have a preconceived notion about things. I don’t always listen. Now, the nasty pompous and ugly word to describe this is “pride“. Albeit true, I’d rather just call it a “failure to see my need.” It’s a rejection of help. It’s a rejection of people and their gifts. It’s the inability to admit that someone else may be able to help, they may have something to offer.
I thought about it for a while. A long while. It’s never easy to give over control. Surrender is a sacrifice most of the time. Even with something as elementary as ShopFast, I see it. Shopfast, however is the ultimate surrender for me. Drowning in the indulgence of shopping & spending, years passed before I noticed that it had become so important, choking out much of my substance and ability to see clearly. Another personal note to self today: just get over yourself. Wow. didn’t see that one coming….or did I? Nevertheless, how do I know that I am making progress, besides a talk with the toaster? A few reasons come to mind, and are worthy of sharing.
This week, I shopped with a friend who smiled because it was the first time she’d ever let herself indulge in a super trendy treat. I was so thrilled. It actually made my day. I spent only an hour selecting items, watching her try them on and assisted with the final selection process. Prior to Shopfast, honestly, I probably wouldn’t have taken the time. The very next day, I received an unexpected email from someone who I’d had a misunderstanding with many, many months ago. Realizing her hurt, I wrote to her in the fall of 09′ with my deepest apology. I think we can all relate to the times when the executed action doesn’t elicit the anticipated response….this was most certainly one of those times. Feeling like I’d done everything I could, it didn’t change the circumstance. I was sad. Yesterday’s email contained a gift: forgiveness. Just like that. Least expected.
2 more victories drown out the frustrations at the workplace or other relationships gone sour. Purpose inspires me. Hope propels me. I trust that is the road we are all traveling. Longing for something a little greater; letting go of ourselves and bringing others alongside. Sharing, without competing. Loving, rather than faxing verdicts… growing in places beyond our closets and having fun along the way.
Speaking of fun, my friend Tiffani is a rockstar photographer. One day, she coaxed me into a photo shoot, dressed up in all of my favorite costumes. They are featured below. I have to turn in, now. Tomorrow is my favorite super bowl weekend shopping event: Lillypalooza. Big Day!